Worry Wart

Uuurgh its midnight and im awake and probably wont be sleeping for some time. These last few days are just robbing my last nerve even though nothing has been going on apart from my mind running at the speed of light. Its just over a week till i go back to the States and i just cant stop worrying. I shouldnt because thats what made me ill in the first place. I want to take life as it comes but right now it just seems so hard.
I hate money so much! I want a job so bad but i dont have a car, i dont have a car because i dont have money, i dont have money because i dont have a job. Its a stupid circle. Riding a bus may be an option but Ghettoville freaks me out a little...Maybe i should get my permit to carry a little gun in my purse OMG THATS SO WRONG =( America is Craaazzy! I have just realised someting, I dont even have a drivers lisence....I have a permit but i can hardly ask Jon to sit in the truck with me to work. Uh BIG TRUCK eeek. I need to call the pharmacy for a prescription so i can pick it up like the day after i get there, i should probably even get in with my PCM and get some X A N A X till i can get my anxiety under control again. Next step will be COUNSELING, lots and lots of it! Oh and there is mine and Jons Birthdays the weekend after i get back..I NEED to get my hair done, i feel and look terrible and i guess it would be a step towards bringing my confidence back a bit seen as i feel like a greasy spoon with 3 diff colours in my hair that has totally grown out. I went to get my ends cut like 2 weeks ago and regret not getting it cut decent because i look like some kid has cut my hair with a pair of nail scissors. YUCK..I do not feel attractiv one bit. I want to look and feel good for my Love, its been some time. Another thing killing me right now is not knowing if my Love is getting depoyed. As you can tell by my wrighting im a mess lol and it really doesnt help at all that i can feel my mum is very nervous and anxious and scared about me leaving again and i hate hate hate upsetting her. She is so emotional and its going to kill her to see me leave again. That reminds me i need to speak to Jon about getting a Phonejack....oO and i really need to consider getting back on FB to speak to my family. They dont know how to use the net but they are experts when it comes to FB! *Rolls eyes* I dont miss FB but im a family person and i like to be able to keep up with my family when im not there. My German G-ma is out of hosp tomorrow but she has decided to go ahead with another heart OP after the messed up her first one and she nearlly lost her leg. She did say not long ago she would NEVER do it again but she changed her mind. Im also keeping my G-ma in Canada in my thoughts..aunty Donna is moving to Victoria soon and G-ma is old and hasnt been by herself for some time. She has lost 20pounds in a short period and im really worried she is sick. Canadian health care system sucks! I really need to go because im running out of breath typing..i dont know how but i am and this has just gotten way to long lol. Bye!!!!